Praying for Peyton

Unreal…

“ That Friday was unreal” John said.   “ I’ll never forget it as long as I live.”  
“It just kept going, you know - like it wasn’t going to stop”
His voice trailed off a bit as he said it a second time. “It just kept going…” 
He shook his head slowly in disbelief and then looked away.  He seemed to stare off into a distant void.    Was it just a bad dream?

This is a story of premature babies – the ones who make it and the ones who don’t.
It’s also a story of how couples, and co-workers move forward after a loss. {*1}

When a baby announcement is made at work, everyone knows how to respond.
Its simple - we congratulate, we celebrate and we buy gifts. 

But how do you respond, when a friend, a loved one or even a co-worker like John and his wife Becky loose a premature baby? 
(We lose over 25 thousand preemies every year here in America) {*2} 

So what do you say when someone looses a baby?  How do you act? 
In a work environment, many of us don’t know what to say - so we say very little.   
 
I asked my co-worker John and his wife Becky for permission to share their story. 
And even though they say their “Journey” isn’t over yet – they said - Yes.

So why share their story here on a blog page of all places? 
To offer encouragement to others facing similar hurdles. 

Surprise:  “You’re having triplets”

The doctors confirmed to Becky and John that they had two boys and a girl on the way.  

I suspect – that most parents with triplets on the way must feel sudden wave of joy mixed a tinge of panic. Here at work, the reaction was excitement.  The accolades where quick and predictable “Way to go man” “We’re happy for you John  - Way to go.” 
“Awesome buddy - Triples Wow.” 

We even dole out some some kind-hearted jabs:  “Hey John get your sleep now buddy!!  Cause once those babies get here – Forget about it…” 
“Hey John we should start a diaper drive…for ya man – your gonna need ‘em”

Triplets are Tricky

Turns out John always wanted a daughter, and so they named her Paige.  In the sonogram images – you could see her there flanked by her two little brothers Peyton and Patrick. 
It’s an instant family - almost.

Preemies draw everything they need from their moms - everything except time.
Time, it turns out, is beyond mom’s control.  And for Triplets that’s a problem.
Triplets need time.  Time to grow, time to develop - time for a fighting chance.

But time is working against Becky and the kids.
At just 23 weeks into the pregnancy Becky develops complications. 
It’s serious.  She’s quickly hospitalized and put on bed rest. 

The good-natured joking in the newsroom about the triples – abruptly stops. 

It’s serious. We monitor Becky’s progress as we would a news story.  We don’t want to pry – but we get daily updates, and hope for the best. 
 
Every day that Becky can manage to hold-onto the Paige, Payton and Patrick - the better their chances.  The goal: Beat the odds.  Every week counts.  Every day counts. 
If Paige and the boys can make it to the 24th week their odds are a little better.
The 25th week - better still.

Faith on a Friday

Then came that Friday.  The Friday that John says he’ll never forget.

John got the phone call about Becky while he was here at work.
The message was simple:  “ Come now. Come right now.  Today’s the day.”

Becky is still in her 23rd  week - and that’s not good. 
Some say a silent prayer as John leaves for the hospital. 

On November 14th 2008 Becky gave birth to three beautiful, delicate and tiny babies.
Becky and John later wrote:  “ Peyton, Patrick and Paige joined our family that Friday.”
In the newsroom we get the good news that they all made it.

But they’re only 23 weeks and five days old - and the odds aren’t good.  {*3}

Little Paige is the smallest.  She’s delicate, tiny and frail. 
And vulnerable.  She’d fit in the palm of your hand if you were allowed to hold her.
She’s so small, that John says his wedding ring could fit around her leg. 
She’s tiny. Doctors and nurses struggle to give her a fighting chance. 
But the battle is short.

As God would have it - Paige’s birthday – is her only day - this side of Heaven. 

Becky and John would later write:  “We held our precious daughter for a few hours before she faded away to join her Maker…”   “She was beautiful and we will never forget the time we spent with her…”  

Under the florescent lights of a sterile hospital room - little Paige slipped away. {*4} 

*          *           *          *            *            *           *          *          *

Word spreads to the newsroom that little Paige is gone. 
No one knows what to say. We buy a card of to send our condolences. 
Everyone signed it.  And then we waited and wondered:

“How are Becky and John holding up?”  

And …
 
What about the boys?

Patrick and Payton are transported to Children’s Hospital. 
The best of the best are now fighting to save them.  A blur of medicine, machines, doctors and prayers converge into two tiny incubators.

Hour by hour - Patrick and Peyton fight on.  

But three days later, Becky and John wrote of little Patrick: “.. His body was overwhelmed with the medications and treatments…” On his third day of life, “ Patrick was released from the machines and placed in our arms before he too faded away..”  They said, “ Patrick was beautiful and during his final hours smiled as he peacefully left us…”

For the second time in three days - hopes, dreams and innocence perish - in an instant.

*          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *

For days, we didn’t see John at work.  Sabrina Hill, one of our producers here at the station said John confided in her in a phone conversation and said – “ It’s the most devastating thing that they’ve ever gone through.  More than a person could ever imagine.  He never knew he could hurt so much.”

But he also said, that just knowing that people were praying for them was a huge help.
He said the concern and the prayers from others help them to keep going. 

Stepping into the void

A good man, Kevin Musso heard the tragic news and decided to visit John and Becky at Children’s Hospital.  Kevin knows Children’s Hospital very well.
It holds some powerful and emotional memories for Kevin and his wife Claudette.

You see, five ago they almost lost a preemie of their own.
Siena’s fight for survival lasted 3 ½ months before she was even close to being in the clear. Today she’s a beautiful, healthy and happy young girl.

I asked Kevin what he said to John and Becky when he visited them at Children’s.
Here’s part of what he wrote to me in e-mail:

“I told them there is no way I could know what it was like to lose the babies and surrender them to God, John and Becky showed amazing courage.”

I said, “ your life will now move forward one minute at a time. You’ve been thrust into an isolated world called the NICU. The outside world doesn’t understand what you are going through and many are afraid to even ask.”

“Life is in slow motion - filled with beeps – flashing lights  - medical acronyms - The days feel triple in length and they can begin with hope and end with deep worry.
Thus the saying “NICU Rollercoaster”.

I told them, “ you need to put one foot on hope and the other on reality.” The NICU is no place for sugar coating and the medical staff gives it to you straight. Preemies are so fragile. Pie in the sky thinking isn’t rationale. They want you to be completely aware of the worst-case scenario. Because anything better than that is a blessing. Lord knows we had many blessings.

A Hole in your Heart

Kevin continued:

“Peyton has bleeding in his brain and so did Siena. I comforted them with the fact that it resolved with no (as of yet) known residual affect.   Peyton also has a hole in his heart. Doctors have been giving him Endocin which can make it shrink and close.

They did the same thing to Siena but it didn’t work - She had to have surgery to close it. They went into her back by spreading apart her tiny ribs and through a small incision placed a miniature titanium clip to close the hole. She’ll always have to explain the speck on any future chest x-rays. Siena had many other battles… too many to mention here.

They saw a “Thank You” plague in the waiting room of the NICU. It has a picture of Siena and is engraved to thank all of the doctors and nurses that saved our daughters life. I showed them a recent photo from my wallet. It was the one of the girls on my lap.

I hope God gave me the right words to say. I’m praying for the John and Becky everyday and hope to meet Payton one day.

Ps. When all of this happens the first thing you think and feel is “Why God?” “Why am I having to endure this. What did we do?...etc…etc” But as the weeks passed it changed to …God you must have really thought a lot of us to give us this responsibility and you become willing to love, cherish and care for that child no matter what he or she’s needs may be.  You learn that only God truly knows what you can and can’t endure.

…Kev

We are weak - but He is strong

December 6th, 2008 10:00 am.

In a graveside service at Clovis Cemetery, family, friends and co-workers gather to say goodbye to Paige and Patrick.  It’s a foggy damp morning.  We brace against the chill in the air and the pain of saying good-bye.  They captured our hearts even though most of us never got a chance to see them.  Their time was so fleeting.

As they were in their mother’s womb, Paige and Patrick are together now, in a shared tiny white casket.  The crowd of over fifty is soothed by a serenade of Jesus Loves me.
The lyric We are weak but he is strong seems to linger in the morning air.

Father Robert Borges reads from the book of Mathew.  Jesus said to them:
"Let the little children come to me… because the kingdom of heaven belongs to people like these." 19:14 NIV   Paige and Patrick are with Jesus now.  They are “At Rest”  in heaven as the graveside flyer proclaimed. 

Father Borges asks for continued prayers for the family. The service is brief, somber, poignant and emotional.  As we gather to leave hugs, tears, handshakes and ‘knowing nods’ say more than words can. {*5}

The Journey Forward

“Peyton is our little fighter…”  John and Becky said. 
And as of this writing – he’s still fighting – still hanging in there.
John told me one of the many hardships of having a preemie is:
You can’t touch your baby much - at least not in the beginning.

John says he’ll put his hand down near Peyton’s head and  – Peyton will sense his presence, recognize a familiar voice or fragrance.

John says one day Becky had her hand near Peyton and he reached up and grabbed one of her fingers.   That’s a big deal cause; right now Peyton can’t even manage to suck his thumb  - because of all the wires and tubes.

At crucial medical junctions John and Becky find themselves – asking God for a sign.
Should we proceed with the brain surgery? (To relieve fluid from his skull)  Show us a sign God. Should we proceed with the heart surgery?  Show us a sign Lord. 

And with each new hurdle, another sign is delivered and another prayer is answered. 

And the “NICU Rollercoaster”  as Kevin Musso calls is - rolls on.

Broken but not Bitter 

Someone in the newsroom commented to John that it was nice to hear that he and Becky have been prayerful through this journey.  “ Some people – might become bitter over what you two have gone through…”   John nodded and said “Yeah.”

So, we’re all praying for a happy ending like Siena’s.
We’re all praying for a lifetime of birthdays and memories. {*6}

And that is why we’re all…

… Praying for Peyton

            To be continued…

*1 - Amy's Angels: www.amysangels.com/grief.htm

*2 - Share Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support: www.nationalshareoffice.com/resources_stats.shtml

*3 - Encyclopedia of Nursing & Allied Health: http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_gGENH/is_all/ai_2699003636
(Survival rate for 23 weeks is only 10-35%. At 24 weeks – the survival rate jumps to 40-70%)

*4 - On his web-site Dr. Sears offers tips on dealing with the loss of a baby. http://www.askdrsears.com/html/1/T012800.asp

*5 - Tips on how to move forward. What to say.  What to avoid saying. http://www.nationalshareoffice.com/documents/Trifold_SupportingaParent_SAMPLE.pdf

*6 - A Preemie Grows Up by Sue Kinney. http://www.prematurity.org/baby/poem-growingup.html#Kinney